Willing

In the beginning of the story it goes into Sidra and her lifestyle as an actress. Trying to make it in Hollywood, but her age has her limited. She obviously is tired of chasing a dream in which it seems she is not right for but, it is her passion; to be recognized, appreciated and accepted as the professional she tried so hard to be. Her frustration ultimately has her running away. Trying to search for a sense of realness. Something tangable and fulfulling. She Spends her days in loneliness. Basking in her fears, regrets, and past. She wanted to be so much more than she had become and it haunted herinner being. She would only speak to a few friends, Tommy and Charlotte. Both who told her that she was better than what she had let herself become but, she wasn't buying. She had an openess about herself. pg 414"She could rip open a bone and speak out of it, simple and clear. " Sidra wasn't one to buy into everyones opinon she knew what the deal was, how to work people to her advantage. She knew what she was and what she had to offer. She was tring to forget about the emptiness that LA had brought to her life and tried fill it with ordering out and listening to self esteem tapes. She stared out into the open body of water that was Lake Michagan. Reviewing where it all went went wrong and where she wanted to be. She had a strained relationship with her parents. Her father didn't approve of her past roles and had never gotten over it. Her mother was secretly jealous of her daughter and Sidra was beginning to be sick of them. She met a guy at a Blues bar that caught her attention. He had admitted to not being a big movie watcher which put Sidra at ease. She met someone that didn't have an opinion on her based on her career. Although they were an unlikely couple she pursued it. He told her about the only movie he could remember seeing. It was about a city of people that realized they were part of a dream. The people knew that if the person that was dreaming them awoke they would disappear, so they found a way to keep him asleep. The only thing wrong was when he dream changed so did they. So when the man dreamt of flamingos all of the people in the dream would become the flamingos and they'd fly way. She found this interesting. There was something about him that intrigued her. As they went through the motions her friends tried to warn Sidra about the signs but, she ignored them. To her, it seemed as though making a future and having a family was more important than finding that "someone special". She settled for him. He knew that she didn't really love him but though what they had could be enough. She had made it obvious to him through her attitude torwards him on many occasions that she didn't repect him. When an incident proved to her that he was an idiot she jumped at the opportunity to let him go. After she ended the relationship her depression got the best of her. She started to lose her grasp on reality and decided to give him another shot. To fill the void. She did like him afterall. So she gave him a call and they talked. He came over and told her about a business dinner with a female client he had for the following day. Sidra knew. She felt it inside her bones, the truth. He told her it was just business. She didn't trust him though. She called him all night and got no answer. He did not come home. She felt the sickness start up inside. When he finally picked up the phone the following day it was in his voice. He came over and admitted it was a date. He told her he didn't sleep with her but, Sidra sensed it. pg 422 A bone opened up in her gleaming and pale and she held it to the light and spoke from it. "I want to know one thing? Did you have oral sex?".
He after trying to avoid the answer he had, admitted to it. She then became cold inside. She turned off all of her emotions and died inside. She was no longer there. Just a body. Just an empty being. He cried there. It didn't move her though. It was as if her bones close and she became part of another dream. He asked her "What can I do?" But like the flamingo he had descibed in the dream she had flown away. She was already gone.

I loved this story so much. There was so much in it that remeinded me of my past relationships and some of my friends relationships. There was a realness that i could really appreciate about it.