Monday, September 17, 2007

Amor Divino

I think that in the last sentence in the story,"Yes, for a moment, she, too, has found love's divine treasure buried deep in her grandfather's memory" (24), the author was trying to say that even the old grandfather could not remember much of anything, he in that moment had remebered the love that he shared with his wife. Although they didnt get along most of the time,the love that they shared between each other was evident. The old man would wake up and want to be spoken to in English. Clearly that is something intimiate that he and his wife shared, and as soon as he heard that it was Yolanda( although not the right one...) that was sitting with him, "His face comes fully awake, a smile suffuses his features." p.24 Although they spent most of their time fighting with one another, you can tell from the pleading that he does," lets not fight, lets not fight he pleads", that he doesnt always want to be in disagreement. In this story, stuborness also plays a huge role. The woman knew what they wanted and didnt want a man to hold them back from living the life that they had planned for themselves, yet they both found themselves in similar situations. the fighting that went on in the marriages represnts not only stubborness but also shows how strong willed these woman were. Alot of times in a marriage woman are overpowered by the men, loosing thems entirely and giving in to the demands of their husbands. But no the Yolanda's ,even though their husbands try to hold them back, they still maintained their own personalities. Its like trying to hold sand- the tighter you squeeze it, the faster it falls through your fingers. I think that if the husbands had been less controlling and more able to have fun, then perhaps the marriages would be much happier. I think that saudy was right in saying that both men were insecure, which in turn caused them to act in the manner they did.

The author also presents an issue that many people deal with when they are older. What to do when a parent is unable to care for themselves. There seems to be a constant dilemma between what is right, and what is wrong. Alot of the time, when people are faced with this situation, they question whether or not they have the time and/or qualifications to help their parents, who will bascially be completly dependent on them. They realize that their parents took care of not only themselves, but also the children at the same time, so they feel as though the care to their parents is owed to them. Its hard for children to make the decision to put their parents in a nursing home or hire home care. At the same time, it has to be realized that most of these elderly people, having been taking care of themseleves for 70+ years and to have someone come in and help is completely insulting to them. "... had the crazy yearning to fly up beyond the reach of her husband, her bossy children, and the vigilante nursemaids"p.21 When parents reach this stage in their lives, the children feel as though they always know whats best for them. From the other perspective, the parents feel as though the children are being bossy and over protective, these two different opinions making it very difficult to come to an agreement. As I was writing this, I remembered a song that I once heard. Its a country song that talks about this very topic. One of the scences depicted in the song is a a child who has reached adult hood, having to take away his elderly fathers keys because he was no longer able to drive. It was a difficult situation for the child, and as he did it, his dad started to cry because it wasnt just his keys that were taken away but also his mobility and independence. Its a scary thing to have to face.

The cycle of life happens to all of us, we go from infants up to gernrally high school, were we are dependent upon our parents to live and make sure we are safe. Then we reach young adulthood where we are self sufficient and begin our own lives and as the years pass we return to the begnning of the cycle( although in this case its the end, but same implications as the beginning), where we have to depend on others to take care of us. I think that in this story the author has displayed
these stages of life. There was the grandfather who was clearly at the end of the cycle, depending upon others to survive, then there was Yolanda who was at the middle stage where she could provide for herself- the sky being the limit, and then you had the youngest Yolanda who was introduced towards the end. She is in the beginning stage where she is still dependent on her parents for survival, on page 22, the author is able to make a comparison between the young girl and the old man"After all she too sometimes has to reminded that its bed time, or that she was chew her sweet plaintain instead of gulping it down."

Throughout most of the story- Yolanda and John do not get along. Yolanda makes the comment "Its over, we dont love each other anymore." and the aunts reply to that is "But is that any reason for divorce? Love sometimes comes and goes in a marriage" p.19 Yolanda clearly loves him because towards the end she wanted to call him to try and work things out. How meaningful are the words spoken at a wedding , "for better, for worse, 'til death do us part". Is the aunt right in saying that a love comes and goes in a marriage and that it is something that should be worked through, or is Yolanda right in deciding to divorce him?

1 comment:

Yesly said...

Is the aunt right in saying that a love comes and goes in a marriage and that it is something that should be worked through, or is Yolanda right in deciding to divorce him?

In my opinion, I think Yolanda is wrong for wanting to divorce John. I think both still had love for eachother, but both are too proud to say it. Indications that John still loves her come up when Yolanda says, "It's all your fault, you know. If you hadn't married us twice, we could just tear up our Dominican license and call it a day." John in response to her comment says "hardly" this means its not that easy to just get divorce and forget about her. He then goes on and says "this has gone on long enough. My answer is no. N.O." Although the way he says it is a bit insulting, it's all a facade, and his own way of saying he does not want their marriage to end. The quick change from "hardly" to the dogmatic response following that, makes me think he says that to cover up the emotional breakdown he almost had. John in my opinion is just as stubborn and proud as she is, the only thing is he doesn't know how to express emotions. I am curious to know more about how John feels, because to me he comes off as a character who builds a wall and doesn't let people in, especially Yolanda. At one point in the story Yolanda realizes this because she says "Perhaps the Englishman doesn't really want a divorce, for why wouldn't he cooperate in this effortless procedure that won't cost him anything? Is she sure this divorce is mutual or has she flown off the handle again as she used to when she was a child?" I think a lot of us sometimes build up a wall against others, maybe we do it subconciously, but we do it because we are scared of rejection, or getting hurt. I noticed also that Yolanda has a fear of ending like her aunts, "miserable, but married" Although, Yolanda has made a drastic decision by divorcing him, and I don't think she should have done that, I do think both needed time apart, to see if they missed or even loved eachother. John has no idea that she still loves him, that she lays at night thinking of his touch, because she is too busy fighting with him about the divorce. She wants the divorce so badly, that in the end any love John might have had for her was killed by that desperation of wanting to get rid of their marriage. Why do think Yolanda is so desperate to have John sign the divorce papers?